Muddy Stilettos


<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-5.jpg" alt="Psychotherapist Anna Mathur" class="wp-image-127972" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-5.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-5-600x600.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-5-300x300.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-5-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>We’re all wildly busy – working, commuting, parenting, panic-buying packed lunches and keeping roughly eight plates spinning at once – so it’s no wonder our own needs tend to fall straight off the list. It’s not that we don’t&nbsp;<em>want</em>&nbsp;to look after ourselves; it’s just that life keeps shouting louder. But what if, for once, we didn’t attempt a full-blown January personality overhaul and instead focused on small, sensible shifts we might actually stick to?</p>



<p>Enter psychotherapist and bestselling author <a href="https://www.annamathur.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Anna Mathur</a>, our calm, compassionate guide for 2026. She’s here to remind us that looking after yourself isn’t selfish – it’s what keeps you from running on fumes, snapping at loved ones and wondering why life feels like one long game of emotional whack-a-mole. So, for our Year of Happy &amp; Healthy, we nab five minutes with Anna as she shares eight practical, doable ways to put yourself first – and, crucially, keep doing it.</p>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-meet-your-basic-needs-first">1. Meet your basic needs first</h2>



<p>If you want to make any meaningful change this year, start with your basic needs. If you’re not eating regularly, if you’re dehydrated, if you haven’t been to the loo because you’re “just finishing one more email”, your body is already in distress mode. You can’t build calm on top of burnout. Meeting your most basic needs isn’t indulgent – it’s the quiet act of saying,&nbsp;<em>I matter too.</em>&nbsp;Once you’re resourced, everything else becomes more doable.</p>



<p>And before you say you’ve got “no time”, take a quick look at your phone screen time. If you can’t immediately see what you can&nbsp;<em>add</em>&nbsp;to your day, ask what you can&nbsp;<em>swap</em>. Ten minutes of scrolling – which can send your nervous system on a rollercoaster between funny-dog-video and traumatic-birth-story – could become 10 minutes of reading, resting or simply breathing.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-fuel-and-move-your-body-like-you-actually-like-it">2. Fuel and move your body like you actually like it</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/group-young-people-balasana-pose.jpg" alt="Yoga class" class="wp-image-84730" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/group-young-people-balasana-pose.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/group-young-people-balasana-pose-600x400.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/group-young-people-balasana-pose-787x525.jpg 787w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>How you feed and move your body shows up in every part of your day. If you’re ricocheting between sugar highs and caffeine crashes, you’re already working uphill emotionally. Sleep, nourishment and movement create stability – they’re how you buy calm. But movement should match what you genuinely need so ask yourself: What does my body need today? Some days that’s a HIIT workout to burn off adrenaline; other days it’s stretching or rest. Tune in and get curious.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-the-10-rule">3. The 10% Rule </h2>



<p>If you’re someone who’s rushing headfirst into January thinking,&nbsp;<em>Right, that’s it, I’m overhauling my entire life</em>, pause. Big, dramatic change is overwhelming for your nervous system. Instead, ask yourself:&nbsp;<em>What can I do 10% differently?</em> Ten per cent more breathing space in the morning. Ten percent less phone scrolling. Ten per cent more compassion for yourself. These tiny shifts accumulate quietly but powerfully. </p>



<p>I used to rush around doing everything for everyone, and feeling guilty that I wasn’t spending time with my kids. That guilt was a little flag – a sign that something wasn’t aligned with my values. So I sat down with them for just 10 minutes. Fast forward a couple of years and now, after dinner, you’ll find me curled up on the sofa with them in my onesie. That 10-minute nudge became our new normal. When you’re used to high-octane living, slowing down can feel wrong – even unsafe. Your nervous system doesn’t recognise rest as familiar. But that discomfort isn’t a sign you’re doing it badly; it’s the sign you’re doing something beautifully new.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-4-a-non-negotiable-daily-anchor">4. A non-negotiable daily anchor</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/reading-book-bed-tea-woman-.jpg" alt="Beautiful Legs close-up in Bed. Woman is Drinking Tea and Reading a Book. Girl Sitting on a Bed in Woolen Socks. Beautiful Woman no Face. Legs. Attractive Model Wears  Woolen white Socks" class="wp-image-60492" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/reading-book-bed-tea-woman-.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/reading-book-bed-tea-woman--600x400.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/reading-book-bed-tea-woman--787x525.jpg 787w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>Predictability is incredibly soothing. When life feels chaotic, having one small thing you always do – your personal anchor – grounds your nervous system.<br>It might be a cup of tea alone at the same time every day, a short walk you could do with your eyes closed, a page of a book before bed. The point isn’t the activity; it’s the consistency. These little rituals give your brain a moment of “Oh good, I know this bit.”</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-5-a-two-minute-nervous-system-reset">5. A two-minute nervous system reset</h2>



<p>When you’re overwhelmed and buzzing, you can’t think your way out of it. Overwhelm is a survival state, and your body needs soothing before your mind can catch up. A quick reset brings you back into focus and helps you respond from a calmer place. It’s simple: wherever you are, extend your exhale. A long, slow out-breath activates the parasympathetic “rest and digest” system. It’s the internal equivalent of someone hugging you and saying,&nbsp;<em>You’re safe.</em></p>



<p>Add a shoulder roll, look around the room to anchor yourself, or gently stroke your arm. Touch releases oxytocin — the feel-good hormone that counteracts cortisol — so even a 30-second hand massage while the kettle boils can genuinely shift your state.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-6-set-good-enough-boundaries">6. Set &#8216;good enough&#8217; boundaries</h2>



<p>“Good enough” boundaries are the ones that actually change your life. The gap between what you’re giving and what you can realistically sustain is where resentment, burnout and that sharp, snappy version of yourself begin to grow. Boundaries close that gap and bring your output back in line with your capacity. Sometimes it sounds like,&nbsp;<em>I’d love to help but I can’t right now</em>, or&nbsp;<em>I won’t be able to do that justice</em>. People can tolerate disappointment far more than we think. Healthy relationships withstand boundaries – and often grow stronger because of them. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-7-choose-micro-joys-not-masterplans">7. Choose micro-joys, not masterplans</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="666" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Untitled-design-64.png" alt="Woman listening to music wearing headphones" class="wp-image-128464" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Untitled-design-64.png 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Untitled-design-64-600x400.png 600w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>If you only let yourself feel joy when the big milestones happen, you’ll get a handful of lovely moments a year – but your nervous system will be gasping for more. Instead, lower the bar and look for micro joys: the warmth of your coffee, a patch of sunlight, music you love, the smile of a stranger. Notice the everyday things you once longed for – the family you dreamed of, the home you hoped for, even the messy kitchen – chaotic, yes, but proof a full life is happening inside it. Micro joys don’t require everything to be finished, tidy or triumphant. They just ask you to let those glimmers in.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-8-do-a-weekly-where-am-i-needed-most-check-in">8. Do a weekly &#8220;where am I needed most?&#8221; check-in</h2>



<p>We often live as though we can — and should — give 150% everywhere: work, family, friendships, home, health. But capacity is finite. When you stretch yourself thin in every direction, you end up robbing energy from the places that matter most.</p>



<p>Once a week, pause and ask:&nbsp;<em>Where am I genuinely needed most right now? And where can I soften?</em>&nbsp;Some balls are bouncy — they’ll bounce when dropped. Others, like your closest relationships or your sleep, come with a far bigger cost when neglected.</p>



<p>Notice where guilt is showing up, where stress is leaking into everything, and whether your effort actually reflects your values. Sometimes “good enough” at work buys you peace at home. Sometimes easing off the perfection saves your wellbeing. It isn’t about failing or lowering ambition — it’s about directing your energy where it actually counts, so life feels aligned rather than impossible.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-and-for-the-new-parents">And for the new parents&#8230;</h2>



<p>If you’re in the thick of new parenting and thinking,&nbsp;<em>All very lovely, Anna, but I have absolutely no time</em>, there&nbsp;<em>are</em>&nbsp;still small things you can do. Sometimes it starts with meeting the simplest needs — drinking water, resting where you can, letting someone else hold the baby so you can breathe.</p>



<p>And in this season, the most loving boundaries aren’t always the no’s — they’re the yeses. Saying yes when someone offers help. Yes to letting people in. Yes to accepting support even when you worry you’ll be a burden. Healthy relationships can hold that. They can bend in your favour for a while. Let people carry you a little; you’re not meant to do this bit alone.</p>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-6.jpg" alt="Author Anna Mathur's books" class="wp-image-127990" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-6.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-6-600x600.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-6-300x300.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Light-displays-6-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



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<ul>
<li><em>Anna Mathur is a psychotherapist and Sunday Times best-selling author. She can be found @annamathur </em></li>
</ul>



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<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-in-the-mood-for-more">In the mood for more? </h2>



<ul>
<li><a href="https://muddystilettos.co.uk/wellbeing/money/2026-beginners-guide-investing-women-wealth-health/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Girls just wanna have funds: A beginner&#8217;s guide to investing</a></li>



<li><a href="https://muddystilettos.co.uk/wellbeing/2026-wellbeing-fitness-and-beauty-trends/">From sn</a><a href="https://muddystilettos.co.uk/wellbeing/2026-wellbeing-fitness-and-beauty-trends/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">ackable fitness to adult playgrounds – the 2026 trends worth knowing</a></li>



<li><a href="https://muddystilettos.co.uk/things-to-do/podcasts/best-wellness-podcasts/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Ear therapy: the hottest wellness podcasts right now</a></li>
</ul>


How to finally put yourself first in 2026 – 8 practical tips

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