WHAT? WHERE? 

A sprawling resort (I’m talking 72 acres of sprawling) that curls around a clifftop and nine-hole golf course, 30 minutes’ from Faro airport. Yep, you can fly to the Algarve and be sitting on a lounger in about the same time it takes to watch Avatar 2, and I know which I’d rather be doing.

THE VIBE 

Part of Marriott’s Luxury Collection group, Pine Cliffs Resort is star-studded (five of them!), yet still manages to maintain the sort of laidback air Med resorts tend to do so well – it’s ok to pad back from the beach barefoot or enjoy a glass of wine on the lawn overlooking the ocean.

Moorish touches are everywhere, from the arches and tiles to a beautiful inner courtyard in the main hotel; bedrooms have terracotta floors, white walls, a balcony or terrace and pretty hand-painted tiled headboards by local artisans, which adds a real sense of place. 

Beyond the main hotel lie modern Ocean Suites and further still are secluded Residences (great if you’re going with a gang) and owners’ villas, including one for the Kuwaiti family who bought the original plot of land back in 1992 (what an investment!?!).

It takes a while to get your bearings thanks to the abundance of manicured lawns, courtyards, fountains and endless accommodation options (I admit to taking a few wrong turns and being late for a PT session). However after a while it starts to feel like home and the rest of the world ceases to exist as you relax into wellbeing land. 

THE SPA 

Serenity – The Art of Wellbeing is a palatial place which feels like it was designed by, and for, people who prioritise quality #MeTime. As soon as I stepped into the shiny, two-storey high reception with shelves stocked full of goodies from brands like Ila, I was hooked. 

A therapist led me to the zen-like relaxation area where I sipped a lemon-infused water on a day bed before being ushered along a low-lit corridor lined by lights to my treatment room. The next 60 minutes were pure bliss as I was gently (I wimped out of strong pressure) massaged with CBD oil. Serenity was the first spa in Europe to introduce CBD treatments and good on them for being the pioneers because it’s wonderfully relaxing – I was advised to keep the oil on for the rest of the day and later had the best night’s kip I’ve had since I went on a sleep retreat – surely no coincidence? 

The next day, I was booked in for a holistic massage using Ila sandalwood and Jasmine oils, such deliciously sweet fragrances. This massage was far more vigorous than the CBD treatment, working out knots in my shoulders and releasing tension in my back and neck I didn’t even know I had.

On my third day I worshipped in this temple of wellbeing’s other areas, including the Thermal Oasis’ pool, steam, sauna and Kniepp water treatment. There are more surprises in the thirteen treatment rooms, like chromotherapy baths and waterbeds, while the Aurum Suite is designed for couples (or a group of friends) with a treatment room, relaxation lounge, Jacuzzi and bling Swarovski chandelier, like a mini spa within the spa.

Serenity’s a cut above and it quickly became clear why after meeting its impressive brand director, Maria d’Orey. Not only is she bossing it in her professional life, but she’s also a powerhouse out of work; parenting, running marathons and enjoying daily sea swims at 6am (no, I didn’t join her). Clearly this is a woman who means business and knows a thing or two about wellbeing, inside and out. 

FITNESS 

Confession: on my first day I couldn’t actually find the gym for my PT session, that’s how large the resort is. Once located (it’s downstairs in the Pine Cliffs Active area in the main hotel FYI), I was soon being quizzed by personal trainer Rodrigues, who wanted to tailor a session around my aims – I’m walking a 100-mile South Downs charity walk in April and need to get in shape. 

He started me off walking on a treadmill, which he gently raised (speed and incline) and I was surprised at how quickly my heart rate increased, and how reluctant I was to let go of the handrails (just me?). We moved on to the Kineses equipment, which looks like a torture chamber device but thankfully was easy to use after a short demo. Rather than pumping iron, the resistance ropes proved really effective in stretching muscles I’d forgotten existed – hello triceps! 

A final 30-minute assisted stretch was a revelation. Starting with my right side, Rodrigres’ pulled and twisted my limbs with a towel (bear with me) and worked on my right limbs until I felt about a foot taller on that side – he joked about leaving me like that, but thankfully worked on the left side too, leaving me balanced. I left the session feeling taller, lighter and full of energy – result. 

If you don’t fancy a PT session, the light and airy gym overlooking the grounds and sea has loads Technogym equipment to try. I added on pilates and yoga classes (€15) and boxercise €12) too, and was tempted by a lesson at the onsite Annabelle Croft Tennis Centre, but just couldn’t fit any more activities into my three days. 

EAT! DRINK! 

You can eat out somewhere different every night (there are 11 dining options!), however I visited in super-quiet, off-peak February to take advantage of the lower prices, so they weren’t all open. My daily favourite was Zest, a health-led café serving nutritious keto salads drizzled with miso and honey dressing and freshly made smoothies, which I devoured outside in a sun-dappled courtyard filled with lemon trees. 

From Spring onwards, Mirador Champagne bar right on the cliff edge is the place to be, with guests gathering to toast the sunset and take Instagram shots judging by all the #Mirador tags. At O Pescador I sampled a delicious Portuguese fish stew by candle-light, while Mare, down on the beach, looked like another top spot for seafood.

OUT AND ABOUT 

It’s a pleasant trek down to the beach, with dozens of stairs (or cheat and take the lift!) and a long boardwalk to negotiate before emerging onto Felisea Beach, regularly voted one of the best in Portugal. It’s GORGEOUS.

Golden sand and soaring orange and white cliffs against a bright blue sky made a stirring backdrop for my fitness walk to Vilamoura, a resort around 5km away. There’s a pretty harbour lined with restaurants and bars, but I was content with a cheeky glass of vinho verde at a beach hut before strolling back along the clifftop to relax in my holiday bubble. 

THE MUDDY VERDICT 

Good for: If you want to fly in and zen out, this is the place. Most spa-lovers will be in raptures here because it’s a class act with everything you could possibly need in one place – there’s no reason to leave the resort, apart from perhaps a stroll along the beach.

Not for: Boutique hotel lovers who wouldn’t dream of checking in somewhere with more than a dozen rooms; those who prefer a more intimate spa experience.

Pine Cliffs Hotel, from £215pn in a deluxe room resort view, including breakfast. Flights to Faro with Easyjet from £65. There are also various year-round three-, five- and seven-day retreats to book including yoga, detox, pilates, fitness and boot camp insanity.