How has being in the Sixth Form changed since we were at school?

For our generation, there was quite an obvious route from Sixth Form to university and then onto a single-strand career, and basically, that’s been blown wide open. Now Sixth Formers are looking more globally and thinking about very different pathways, and we need to support  them with that, so you might see a pupil who’s applying to university in the UK but also making US applications. At Wycombe Abbey, they might even throw in a European or a Canadian application at the same time, which gives them more options, but of course, that also comes with additional pressure. Some girls might choose a different route altogether such as a degree apprenticeship or taking a gap year. So overall, I think future planning for Sixth Formers is more complex than before.

What do you find challenging in helping teens?

If I could ban one thing, I’d ban TikTok! Single-handedly it drains so much energy and can suck hours of everybody’s day – it’s much more about instant gratification rather than resilience and perseverance. It’s becoming challenging for young people because they’re used to pressing a button and getting something, but as we know, if you want to be really high-achieving, whether that’s academically or in sport or the arts, you need to have grit and determination and put in the hard work. It’s unusual when you’re a teenager to think, “In a year’s time, I’m really going to feel grateful that I didn’t go out socialising every weekend because I’m going to get into the university I want,” so that’s a bit of a challenge! But it’s also pretty normal – we were probably like that as teenagers too. 

What’s your magic formula to helping the girls to focus away from the noise of social media?

We spend a lot of time educating Wycombe Abbey girls that it’s the transferable skills they’re learning that will take them most successfully through life; the fact that they know how to research, work independently, argue a case, focus when they need to. It’s not about ‘perfection’; it’s what they’ve done to create that piece of work or achieve that goal, how they’ve disciplined themselves, and how they’ve listened and responded to feedback. What we try to do is give them a structure and a pathway, and part of that is definitely learning how to stick certain things out (using study time carefully, for example), but we also make sure there’s flexibility in that structure so the girls can pursue their interests and think about what they like and don’t like. That might mean trying trampoline club or an extra language for a term and thinking, ‘Actually, I enjoyed that’ or ‘I’m not doing that again!’ By the time they go off to university, most of the girls I speak to are quite good at recognising whether things are the right fit for them.

That almost sounds like life coaching

Funnily enough, we really are pushing more of a coaching style approach. We’ve trained all of our Sixth Form tutors to have ‘coach-like’ conversations so that when they meet their pupils one-to-one, they expect that the pupils will have done some of the thinking for themselves and not just be spoon-fed solutions. They can recognise that they need to drive their own progress forward. I think teenagers often don’t want adults dictating how they’re going to do things so I think the more that we can say to them, “No, the ball’s in your court, I’m just here to help point you in the right direction” the better.

We support this approach to study with the speakers we invite into the School. We have something we call the Carrington Programme, which is part of our enrichment offering for Sixth Formers, which is all about surviving and thriving in the real world. A few weeks ago, one of our old girls came back. She works in Formula One content creation and the girls wanted to hear from her because she didn’t follow a typical pathway – she had followed her instincts and found her niche. They could relate to that.  

If you want your pupils to think for themselves, is there an element of parents needing to stop gripping so tightly? 

It’s so tempting as a parent to swoop in and fix everything for your children but, actually, you can’t fix everything. In terms of creating an environment where your children can be more independent, boarding really helps because pupils don’t have their parents helicoptering in every five minutes, which I think is really important. There’s plenty of support at School, but there’s also room for the girls to learn for themselves. When our girls get to Year 13, they have even more independence because the boarding model changes, and they move into the Clarence boarding house – they live with and have to get along with girls they don’t necessarily know very well; they have to work together to budget for the house, they all take it in turns to cook, and they also do their own laundry. 

Obviously if your child doesn’t board and lives at home it’s different so I would encourage them to be independent, and as a parent to try not to leap in with your opinions too quickly. We’re all slightly guilty as parents in taking the approach of “I did this” or “in my day”, but it can be counterintuitive to make choices on your children’s behalf. For example, I became a teacher when I was 22 and I’m still a teacher 18 years later, but this kind of linear career is not necessarily the pathway that our children will take. Compared to when we were teenagers, GSCEs are different, university is different, career options are different, so do your own research too and try not to get too stuck in your perception of what education and success looks like. 

What about all the other life stuff? Money management? Keeping rooms tidy?  

I know it sounds silly, but actually making young people do a meal plan or just cook a meal once a week for the family or teaching them how to put on a load of washing will really help when they leave home and will also help them to realise that not everything revolves around them! It’s also about having appropriate conversations at home about basic finances – how to read your pay slip, credit scores, all of those sorts of things. It’s that kind of gentle, appropriate life skills support that I think is so crucial for kids nowadays and will help them in the future.

What career advice would you give pupils? 

I’m sure many parents are like me in that I don’t remember anyone sitting down and talking to me about my university choices; we were more or less left to it! These days, there’s so much bespoke support, for example, at Wycombe Abbey, we have a dedicated Careers team as well as the Carrington Award Programme for our Sixth Formers. Having career conversations even earlier than Sixth Form is really important though. There’s nothing worse than creating a mindset in a child who thinks aged 16 that a certain career path isn’t an option for them. We had a Careers Spotlight in November with speakers from Apple, and though it was open to the whole School, we thought we’d just get Fifth and Sixth Formers there who were perhaps more maths or science-focused. It was really encouraging to see a whole range of girls there, including Third Formers (Year 7s). The more a school can shine a spotlight on different opportunities and those who have gone down different pathways, the better. 

There’s a popular argument that girls’ school pupils benefit from mixed Sixth Forms that are more reflective of ‘real life’. Do you agree? 

I think this viewpoint is one based on the notion that it seemingly makes sense to have time around boys before going to university. However, I’d argue that it’s so important for girls to continue to have breathing space in an environment which is entirely focused on them and where they can lead in every area and be themselves. It can be a polarised world out there, and whilst we want our girls to feel entirely comfortable interacting with boys, we also know it’s still an unequal world and cancel culture exists, it’s hard to fudge your way through that at 17 or 18 years old without making mistakes. I want them to know they can make mistakes in a safe place here for another two years, surrounded by staff who know them really well, and be better equipped to succeed in the world beyond School. 

Do Sixth Formers worry about what the future holds?

I can only talk for our Sixth Formers here; they know there are opportunities out there, and that you need to make opportunities for yourself. I don’t know whether that’s a Wycombe Abbey thing, but certainly here the attitude is ‘No one’s going to tell me that I can’t get a job’. We had a classic example the other week when a girl in our Upper Sixth went for an army scholarship. When she came back and I asked her how it went, she said “I beat every boy in the bleep test Mrs Tidbury, I wasn’t even out of breath”. She could have gone into that environment and been totally intimidated, but she wasn’t. She went in there, aimed high, she’d done the leg work and she was ready to shine. I want confident girls walking out my door deciding that no-one’s going to take their opportunity away from them! That’s when I know I’ve done my job.’

Wycombe Abbey, Frances Dove Way, High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire, HP11 1PE. Tel: 01494 520381.

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