Muddy Stilettos

You visit Open Days, chat to parents and read reviews, but sometimes the school you choose doesn&#8217;t turn out to be the right fit. Making a change is stressful and you want to get it right, which is why these families enlisted the help of <a href="https://education.debretts.com" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Debrett&#8217;s Education</a>. With 30 years&#8217; experience under her belt, founding partner Sioban O&#8217;Connor brings calm, extensive knowledge and a rapport with kids – just what you need to get their education back on track. Here&#8217;s how she helped with three very different situations:



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="667" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/student-stressed-taking-exams-shutterstock_774167659-1000x667.jpg" alt="Stressed student " class="wp-image-83127" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/student-stressed-taking-exams-shutterstock_774167659-1000x667.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/student-stressed-taking-exams-shutterstock_774167659-600x400.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/student-stressed-taking-exams-shutterstock_774167659-788x525.jpg 788w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/student-stressed-taking-exams-shutterstock_774167659.jpg 1500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-1-my-neurodiverse-daughter-was-left-adrift">1/ &#8216;My neurodiverse daughter was left adrift&#8217;</h2>



We were in a crisis situation in early 2022 in a school that was not supporting Evie and where teachers had labelled her – to our horror – as a ‘sad phantom’. Evie had not coped well with the isolation of Covid, and had received a diagnosis of ADD, and she was self harming. After seeing a psychiatrist we organised full education mapping and that also highlighted dyscalculia (a neurodevelopmental issue that affects understanding of mathematical concepts). 



Evie was at a school that championed maths and problem solving. It wasn’t the right place and she wasn’t getting the right support. On contacting Debrett&#8217;s and meeting Sioban, the instant feeling was one of calm. She identified Evie as someone who was introverted but high performing. She offered optimism and a solution, which was such a huge relief. 



Sioban made it clear – you&#8217;re not the problem, it is the situation that is the problem. We saw Sioban at the end of Feb/March and had two or three offers by May. We were very transparent with schools and were not trying to take away from the challenge of a child that has gone through depression and self harm. Through her contacts, Sioban organised a taster day and evening at Dover College and instantly Evie felt at home. 



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Untitled-design-2025-03-11T110938.972.jpg" alt="Dover College" class="wp-image-106735" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Untitled-design-2025-03-11T110938.972.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Untitled-design-2025-03-11T110938.972-600x600.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Untitled-design-2025-03-11T110938.972-300x300.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2025/03/Untitled-design-2025-03-11T110938.972-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Dover College</figcaption></figure>



My husband and I hadn’t experienced boarding but Sioban could see that Evie needed to carve out her own space. The provision at Dover College is exceptional. Children are not labelled but are supported to help them fulfil their potential. It wasn’t an easy start, Evie made some bad decisions and got into trouble, and when Sioban checked in with her a year in they discussed changing schools again. But Sioban gave her the confidence to learn from her experience. If you feel safe and you feel respected, you can work through it. 



Evie is now doing a mix of BTec courses, on track for distinction in those, and an A in A level French. She is well liked, has become a peer mentor for the younger children and is on the shortlist to be a prefect next year. We are so proud of her. Being in the right environment has helped her flourish. With Debrett’s you’re not just paying for a consultant but someone who cares and will go on the journey with you. We only wish we had identified it earlier and not seen her so sad for those years.&nbsp;



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-2-our-boys-needed-a-less-rigid-environment">2/ &#8216;Our boys needed a less rigid environment&#8217;</h2>



Sioban was so instrumental in helping us find the right school for our boys. Both were at a well-known public boarding school. Our eldest, in the Lower Sixth, was studying History, French and Philosophy. He wanted to study Modern European History but ended up on a medieval course because of the way the timetable worked. 



He talked to his housemaster and the deputy head and they said it wasn’t possible. When we finally intervened, the school listened, but by this time James was becoming very frustrated and low. He felt the school was too regimented with very little flexibility or freedom of academic expression. There were other issues along the way and by the middle of Lower Sixth he said he was not going back. I was tearing my hair out. 



I started to do some research because nothing in our catchment had space, and Sioban’s name came up. She held my hand through the entire process and she got on really well with James. He wanted co-ed, no uniform and a state school – nothing elitist. We started to investigate schools in London and I was concerned about the change from a Surrey school to one in the city, but Sioban found Collingham College and there was something about it that James loved. 



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/london/wp-content/uploads/sites/24/2025/02/Untitled-design-2025-02-25T124858.455.jpg" alt="Collingham College" /><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Collingham College</figcaption></figure>



It’s a townhouse on a square and feels homely, not unlike the prep school we loved – Sunningdale Prep. It was private but didn&#8217;t have that feeling of a traditional public school. Sioban really listened to what he wanted and so did the school, who created a history course around his interests, and with small classes – just two students in one case. 



His whole demeanour changed. He was excited about school, happy to go, and fitted in. Sioban really thought about his needs but also had him onboard – it had to come from him to work. When his younger brother, Ben, also wanted to leave the public school, Sioban suggested a standardised test to ensure she had the data she needed to find a good fit for him educationally. 



I don’t know how Sioban did it but she suggested Lord Wandsworth College and he loved it. It’s set in farmland and it’s co-ed and he loves rugby, and this is where Jonny Wilkinson went to school. The pastoral care is amazing and headmaster phenomenal. Sioban really listened to Ben and now he has blossomed. She checked in a month or two in, then a year later followed up again. I would highly recommend what she offers, she was brilliant. She saved my sons’ education. 



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-3-my-son-was-excluded-at-a-critical-point-with-exams">3/ &#8216;My son was excluded at a critical point with exams&#8217;</h2>



Josh was at a state sixth form and taking a BTec and an A Level before he was excluded. We felt that not all circumstances were taken into consideration but couldn’t change the outcome so we were left with a difficult situation. He was studying an unusual combination of subjects around IT and computer science and the timing was really difficult – two weeks into his second year of sixth form. 



I phoned around and got nowhere because none of the schools could accommodate his choice of subjects. When we approached Siobhan she drew on a really good network. She was calm and Josh responded really well to her. We’ve ended up with Josh studying two terms at one school, then 12 months at another. He will end up with 1.5 A levels, a BTec and an EPQ. He wants to apply for a degree apprenticeship. 



Debrett’s came up with a solution that wasn’t perfect because the subject mix was so tricky, but that will get the outcome we need. Sioban also followed up with Josh to see if he’s happy. He really likes his teacher and communication from the school is good. One of his classes has only two other students. He has taken onboard that this is an opportunity for him and he is working towards the next step.



Looking for help? <a href="https://education.debretts.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Debrett&#8217;s Education</a> offers placement and relocation advice for families who need support finding the right schools. Founding partner Sioban O&#8217;Connor has 30 years&#8216; experience with independent schools and has helped hundreds of families to find the right fit for their children.



(The names of the children and families have been changed)

Need to change schools? Here’s how to find the right one

You may also like