THE LOWDOWN

BAINLAND LODGE RETREATS REVIEW LINCOLNSHIRE

If Soho Farmhouse and Centre Parcs had a love child, it might look something like Bainland Lodge Retreats. Hidden away near Woodhall Spa in Lincolnshire, it combines the glorious ease of a family resort – activities (but not too many)! Restaurant! – with seriously stylish lodges, private hot tubs, a luxe Elemis spa and none of the faint whiff of overly organised fun.

THE PONDS - LoRes_Bainland_ThePonds_AJC3180_PhotoCredit_AnthonyCullen© — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

There are 87 lodges dotted around the leafy 45 acres, ranging from romantic shepherd’s huts and a super cool treehouse to lakeside stays and sprawling lodges sleeping up to 24. Hot tubs are liberally sprinkled about, the swanky English Garden Villas come with their own private pools, and there’s even a lodge with its own beach. Subtle, Bainland is not.

It’s particularly brilliant for multi-gen escapes and groups who want a break without having to spend every waking second together. Children can disappear off to activities, and adults can sashay into the Spa. Family harmony, outsourced.

THE VIBE

The Nest Bainland Lodge Retreats Lincolnshire — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

Country-club polish meets laidback living. Bainland feels glossy and grown-up without being so pristine that you spend the weekend following your kids around clutching a coaster.

The grounds are spacious and green with lodges tucked among trees and around the lake. Golf buggies buzz around delivering food and coffee, children pedal past on bikes (available to hire), there are donkeys, chickens and goats, and somewhere, inevitably, somebody’s sitting in a hot tub at 11am.

What Bainland gets right is the balance. You have the freedom and privacy of self-catering, but with the spoiling bits of a hotel layered on top: a proper restaurant and bar at The Nest, Elemis Spa, activities on tap and people who will bring things to your door. It’s independent living, but make it luxe.

SCOFF & QUAFF

Bainland Lodge (9) — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

The Nest is Bainland’s stylish restaurant and bar, serving all-day food from breakfast (the pancakes, yoghurt, fruit and granola, and salmon and eggs all got the thumbs up) through to dinner, with dry-aged steaks, family-friendly favourites, a dedicated Fledglings kids menu, and importantly, cocktails. The Katsu curry was delicious and the steak cooked to perfection during our visit.

The Nest Bainland Lodge Retreats chicken wings

But here comes the insider intel. If extracting the family from your lodge feels like an organisational feat on a par with moving house, scan the QR code and order food, coffee and drinks to your door. The Bainland team will whizz your order over by golf buggy while you remain exactly where you are. Preferably in a robe.

Bainland Lodge Retreats The Nest Katsu Curry

Big groups in the know also book a Tesco online shop to arrive at their lodge. Genius. Stock up on breakfasts, barbecue supplies, snacks and wine – essential wine and just-in-case wine. No need to waste your first afternoon trudging around a supermarket arguing about cereal. Plan ahead and bask in your smugness.

You can, of course, cook. The kitchens are properly equipped rather than merely pretending to be, right down to the Le Creuset dinnerware and cookware. Although faced with the choice between lovingly preparing a casserole and scanning a QR code for someone to bring dinner to my door, I know who I am.

PILLOW TALK

Bainland Lodge Retreats Lincolnshire THE ORCHARD — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

We stayed in The Orchard, a seriously spacious four-bed lodge sleeping up to eight, with a huge, private west-facing garden and enough room for everyone to spread out without having to schedule alone time in one of the four bathrooms.

Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats The Orchard Lounge — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

Inside, the styling hits the sweet spot between glossy and liveable. There’s a properly kitted-out kitchen, fluffy robes, complimentary flip-flops and Elemis bathroom smellies. Heaven.

Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats The Orchard bedroom — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

Outside, things get even better. The large enclosed garden is brilliant for children and dogs, with a generous deck, pergola and fire pit for long evenings under the Lincolnshire sky. Then there are not one but two four-seater hot tubs. Is two hot tubs excessive? Possibly. Did we question it while sitting in one? Absolutely not.

Bainland Lodge Retreats The Orchard Arcade

Our lodge also had a retro arcade game, which my 12-year-old loved. I foolishly joined in and within minutes the competitive tension had reached England v Argentina in a World Cup semi-final levels. Nothing says restorative family break quite like being comprehensively humiliated at a 1980s video game by your own child.

THE SPA

Book. The. Spa. This isn’t a couple of treatment rooms with a scented candle optimistically shoved in the corner. The Spa is a genuinely luxe addition to Bainland, with three treatment rooms, an indoor pool, outdoor hot tubs, ice tubs and loungers – it’s a serene retreat when family togethernes has reached its limit.

My deep-tissue massage began with a soothing foot ritual before my therapist Jo got down to the seriousl business of tackling every knot I have been cultivating since 2022. You can request a lighter touch. I did not. If I’m booking a massage, I want it to do some heavy lifting. Gently stroke my shoulders for an hour and I’ll lie there mentally working through my to-do list. Get in there and sort me out.

Reader, she did. I emerged considerably less human pretzel. I also had the Renewal Facial, a collagen-rich, deeply hydrating treatment that left my skin plumper, fresher and considerably more glowy than it had managed since the heatwave started. Given I’d arrived with a complexion largely composed of factor 50, perspiration and chablis, this was no mean feat.

Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats SPa pool — Image: Bainland Lodge Retreats

The indoor pool has designated family swimming times too, cleverly allowing children to splash about while preserving grown-up serenity at other times.

OUT & ABOUT

Bainland sits just outside Woodhall Spa, a Lincolnshire spa town that is well worth peeling yourself away from the hot tub to explore. Its star attraction is the brilliantly nostalgic Kinema in the Woods, an independent cinema dating back to the 1920s, while the town itself has independent shops, cafés and plenty of old-school charm.

You’re also well placed for the Lincolnshire Wolds if walking and cycling are your thing, while historic Lincoln makes an easy day trip for its magnificent cathedral, castle and cobbled streets.

That said, Bainland is one of those places where ambitious plans to ‘explore the local area’ can rapidly dissolve when somebody suggests another coffee, the children demand the adventure playground and you remember there are two hot tubs waiting back at the lodge.

DOG-FRIENDLY

Extremely. Dogs aren’t merely tolerated here; Bainland has clearly realised that for many families, leaving the dog behind would cause more emotional trauma than leaving Dad. The Orchard’s fully enclosed garden was a huge plus, there are plenty of walks nearby and – brilliantly – dogs have their own adventure playground – yes, really and it’s located opposite The Orchard. The Nest is also super-dog-friendly, with pampered pooches welcome and a special pup-approved menu. Woof!

KID-FRIENDLY

Bainland Lodge Retreats Lincolnshire adventure playground

Very – and crucially, not just for little ones. Littlies can take the wheel of mini Land Rovers and tear around the excellent adventure playground, while older kids graduate to off-road vehicles. These move at reassuringly sensible speeds, although this did not prevent my son Sam from somehow mastering the art of doing doughnuts in one. A proud parenting moment. His future driving instructor is going to love him.

BAINLAND LODGE RETREATS OFF ROADING — Off-roading on the Crazi Bugz

There’s also archery, a climbing wall, tennis, badminton and bikes, while teens and adults can take on the Segways. It’s the range that makes Bainland particularly good for families with different-aged children. There’s enough to do without spending the entire holiday marching everyone through an exhausting programme of Organised Family Fun. And when everyone needs to cool off, head to the indoor pool at the Spa.

ACCESSIBILITY

With such a wide variety of accommodation, accessibility varies between lodges, so it’s important to speak to Bainland directly before booking if anyone in your party has specific mobility or access requirements.

The team can advise on the most appropriate accommodation, including access, parking and bathroom layouts, rather than leaving you to play accessibility roulette from photographs online.

THE MUDDY VERDICT

Muddy Editor Rachel Jane reviews Bainland Lodge Retreats

GOOD FOR: Families who like the idea of a lodge holiday but want to dial the luxury up several notches. Multi-generational getaways, groups of friends, dog owners and anyone who believes Le Creuset, Elemis and private hot tubs significantly improve the self-catering experience. They would be correct.

NOT FOR: Minimalists looking for a remote cabin, digital detox and an earnest weekend communing with nature. Bainland is about having the countryside and cocktails, activities and family time and the ability to disappear into a spa when you’ve had quite enough of it.

THE DAMAGE? One-bedroom lodges start from £449 for four nights; family lodges from £799 for four nights; group stays from £1,499 for four nights.

Bainland Lodge Retreats, Woodhall Spa, Lincolnshire. Visit Bainland Lodge Retreats for bookings and further information.

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