A bare bottom keeping the beat to Robert Palmer’s Addicted To Love during a Mile High Club moment on Concorde? That’ll be Disney+’s hotly-anticipated adaptation of Dame Jilly Cooper’s 1988 bonkbuster Rivals then! The eight-part series takes off this week (Fri 18 Oct) on Disney+ and, trust us, you’re going to love it.

Set in the ruthless world of Eighties independent television where money, power and parties are the prescribed aphrodisiac, the show boasts one of the best British castlists we can think of since Pride & Prejudice hit our screens. David Tennant, Aidan Turner, Alex Hassell, Danny Dyer, Emily Atack, Katherine Parkinson, Victoria Smurfit and Nafessa Williams all vie for the best lines in a fast-paced, funny, incredibly entertaining take on a decade packed with scandal, sex and terrible facial hair.

Muddy’s already seen the early episodes (and seriously, they’re brilliant) so settle back on your sofa and let us fill you in on why this is your essential viewing for the next two weeks.

To be blunt, Alex Hassell is HOT

Never heard of Alex Hassell? Well, that’s his bum you’re seeing on the plane – a mere nine seconds into Rivals‘ first episode. Hassell plays the iconic Rupert Campbell-Black – former Olympian turned Tory MP – who fancies himself and anyone with a pulse. Expect to get intimate with every freckle on his bod, because this is a man where clothing is optional, dripping with confidence and testosterone.

The 43-year-old actor has had a diverse career, cutting is acting chops in The Bill (haven’t they all?). He’s rocked an ice blonde wig in the BBC/ HBO adaptation of Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials, starred opposite Matt Damon and Julianne Moore in 2017 film, Suburbicon; played the title role in Henry IV and Henry V for the RSC and is the co-founder of The Factory Theatre Company whose patrons include Ewan McGregor, Emma Thompson, and Bill Nighy. Basically, he’s prime acting ribeye, playing the rakish Campbell-Black to perfection – dangerously charismatic with a sex drive of a humping Jack Russell.

When he’s not naked, you’ll love the tense rivalry between Rupert and Lord Tony Baddingham (David Tennant) and the twinkle in his Tory eye. According to Dame Jilly, the producers interviewed 600 possible Ruperts and landed on Alex Hassell, all strong jaw and sexy swagger. He also looks good with his shirt open to the waist. Not an easy look to pull off, just ask Simon Cowell.

Jilly Cooper – basically Jane Austen for the naughty set

Underrated, bloody funny and wonderfully un-PC, the legendary author has written a staggering 97 books during her bonkbusting career and sold 11 million of them worldwide. The Rutshire Chronicles of Rivals, Riders Mount and Tackle are her fictionalised stab at the Cotswolds set – think Jane Austen in Glouestershire instead of Hampshire, and with a firm X-rating. Because peek over Cooper’s perfectly-pruned herbaceous borders and you’ll find a place full of dogs, horses, Champagne and shagging.

In the world of woke, it’s incredible that after 36 years Rivals has been made at all. Jilly describes Disney+’s Rivals as “fun and rather naughty” and has a withering view of the the world today: “Women are stronger and men are weaker, therefore there is not so much sexual desire between them.” She puts this down to jogging. According to Jilly everyone’s too tired to have sex now. We knew there was a reason exercise was bad for us.

It’s a total, utter, hedonistic hoot

After you’ve been accosted by the Concorde sex sceen, a mere 22 minutes later you’re watching naked tennis with Campbell-Black (Alex Hassell) and the Deputy PM’s wife Sarah Stratton (Emily Atack). We are totally loving the equal opportunities policy to nudity that sees a full frontal willy shot for every pair of boobs bouncing across the screen. Embarrassment trigger warning: this might not be a show you’ll want to watch with teenagers or parents in the room.

Now That’s What I Call the Eighties

If you’re too young to remember this much maligned decade first time round, here’s a checklist of Eighties essentials – a lighter, for starters, as there’s smoking EVERYWHERE and keep your Elnett hairspray on standby (not at the same time, it’s a fire hazard). You can put away your smartphone though – this is a return to the Jurassic age when it was wired telephones only, and possibly smoke signals.

As the decade taste forgot, you’ll see that men wore brown, women wore brights and the bigger the bank balance the bigger the shoulder pads. But the Eighties was also a whole lot of fun and in the Cooperverse everyone pretty much gets smashed at one continuous party.

Plus one thing you’ll totally be able to get behind is the brilliant, sometimes hilarious playlist. Listen out for Robert Palmer, Wham, Paul Simon, The Bangles, the Eurythmics – and, um, The Birdie Song, enthusiastically received by guests dancing at Lord Tony Baddingham’s garden party. Honestly, that scene is TV gold.

The female stars are doin’ it for themselves

Muddy is nothing if not equal opportunities, so it’s only fair that we also point out how stonking the female characters are. We’re used to the comedy acting genius of Emily Atack (The Inbetweeners) and Katherine Parkinson (The IT Crowd), and they rise to the Rivals challenge with Atack all sass and sexiness as the Deputy PM’s wife, and Parkinson demure and yearning as romantic novelist Lizzie Vereker who’s going through a romantic dry spell.

There’s strong US support from actress Nafessa Williams (last seen as Robyn Crawford in 2022’s Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance with Somebody), who plays American TV executive Cameron Cook, the ball-breaking producer of Declan’s new prime-time talk show. She’s fierce in the all the best ways and we’re loving her power suit era. Victoria Smurfit as Declan’s wife, Sex Education’s Bella Maclean as their “strong-willed” elder daughter Taggie and Catrional Chandler as wilder sister Caitlin complete the femme

Aidan Turner’s ‘tashe – is it Connor’s necklace all over again?

Among the many appendages you’ll see in this glorious series, Aidan Turner’s mighty ‘tache is one of the least risqué. Channelling the top lip bush of Eighties icons like Tom Selleck with an impressive self-grower, Turner plays Declan O’Hara, star journalist and presenter and new Rutshire resident. While Paul Mescal’s Connor’s Chain from Normal People spawned its own Instagram account with a frankly bonkers 132,000 followers a @declanstache Insta tribute account and ‘tache army are surely on the cards. We’re calling it, Movember 2024 is going to be huuuuuuuge!

Rivals is streaming now exclusively on Disney+. Disney+ costs from £4.99 per month. There are no hidden costs and you can cancel any time. 18+ subscription required.