Muddy Stilettos


<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1500" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/small-boy-on-smart-phone-shutterstock_2143217809.jpg" alt="small boy on bed looking at smart phone " class="wp-image-100260" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/small-boy-on-smart-phone-shutterstock_2143217809.jpg 1500w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/small-boy-on-smart-phone-shutterstock_2143217809-600x400.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/small-boy-on-smart-phone-shutterstock_2143217809-1000x667.jpg 1000w" sizes="(max-width: 1500px) 100vw, 1500px" /></figure>



<p>As parents we know how difficult it is to wrestle with our children&#8217;s reliance on social media, so we&#8217;ve brought in an expert to help! Will Orr-Ewing has worked in education for 20 years and helps lead schools engagement for <a href="https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Smartphone Free Childhood</a>, which campaigns to delay giving smartphones to kids and supports parents around use and misuse of smartphones. Here&#8217;s his advice.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-s-the-right-age-for-kids-to-get-a-smartphone">What’s the right age for kids to get a smartphone?</h2>



<p>We feel at Smartphone Free Childhood that, in their current iteration and&nbsp;given&nbsp;what children can access, that smartphone aren&#8217;t safe for kids to own at all.&nbsp;Though there is currently&nbsp;no&nbsp;such thing as&nbsp;a &#8216;safe phone&#8217; for under 16s, we’re&nbsp;helping efforts&nbsp;to create a&nbsp;safer landscape for their use by children. It&nbsp;may be&nbsp;years in the making but kicked off with a private members bill,&nbsp;Josh MacAlister OBE’s&nbsp;<a href="https://saferphonesbill.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Safer Phones Bill</a>, last month.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-changes-would-the-bill-bring-in">What changes would the bill bring in?</h2>



<p>The&nbsp;initial drafting of the&nbsp;bill would make it law for schools to be mobile-free, raise the age of consent on social media apps from 13 to 16 and change the settings and design of phones that are sold to under 16s.&nbsp;However, much might change between now and the Bill’s second reading.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-so-if-the-bill-passes-your-job-is-done">So if the bill passes your job is done?</h2>



<p>This isn’t going to fix it overnight but it’s a step towards better regulation to protect children from the harms of smartphones and social media.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-do-you-say-no-when-all-their-friends-have-a-smartphone">How do you say no when all their friends have a smartphone?</h2>



<p>Our&nbsp;localised&nbsp;<a href="https://parentpact.smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Parent Pacts</a> try to help families to delay children having smartphone until the end of Year 9/beginning of Year 10 so it won&#8217;t be a case of all their friends having one.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-it-s-hard-not-to-bow-to-social-pressure-though">It’s hard not to bow to social pressure though</h2>



<p>That’s why the pacts are so important, finding other people in your community/school so they know they’re not on their own.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-if-they-re-travelling-to-school-independently">What if they’re travelling to school independently?</h2>



<p>We’re not against what we call brick phones/school phones, but we also have to consider that children got to and from school fine before 2012. It’s become an excuse for kids to badger parents. There’s other tech out there if parents want to track kids, like the air tracker.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-so-brick-phones-are-ok">So brick phones are ok?</h2>



<p>If you think your child needs one, then we do have <a href="https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/alternatives" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">alternative phones</a> featured on our site which do not allow internet access but have features like calling, a clock, calculator, music player and texting.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-but-my-child-s-school-insists-phones-are-off-all-day">But my child&#8217;s school insists phones are off all day</h2>



<p>90% of UK schools say they have a smartphone policy. Of those, 89% claim that phones should not be seen or heard, but that’s ineffective. The reality is that phones don’t stay off &#8211; 30% of of teachers report pupils using phones in lessons without permission. Children at smartphone-free schools achieve GCSE results 1-2 grades higher than at those where they can access their phone. Also, when smartphones are removed from the school day, mental health improves and cyber-bullying is reduced. Many schools that have gone smartphone free have reported a significant improvement in behaviour across their school within weeks. Without the pressure of constant notifications, children have the freedom to be children: they chat more, engage more and play more.</p>



<p>The average child gets 235 notifications a day on their smartphone, pinging in their pockets &#8211; in the loo, when they’re in breaktime. The phone is dominating time at school. We don’t want to judge parents about why kids have a smartphone but we’re advocating that the smartphone is taken away from the child during the day which could be using pouches or lockers. We’re talking to 300 heads and have had three heads who have made that move. 10% of UK secondary schools are now smartphone free.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-could-they-all-go-that-way">Could they all go that way?</h2>



<p>I think it’s realistic to get into the majority of schools by 2027.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-is-it-just-about-smartphones">Is it just about smartphones?</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img decoding="async" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/norfolk/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2017/04/phone.jpg" alt="teen on smart phone with handbag nearby "/></figure>



<p>No &#8211; the approach has to consider all kinds of devices. If you say children can’t have a smartphone, then tech companies will bring out a watch &#8211; the key is to specify the feature, not the type of tech. An internet-enabled device is the issue.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-about-banning-use-of-certain-apps-for-my-child">What about banning use of certain apps for my child?</h2>



<p>The key context is that we’ve only had these in children’s lives for 10 years &#8211; it’s so new and we have to analyse each feature. Even with what we consider to be non-controversial apps like WhatsApp, there are issues. We’ve heard plenty of examples of sharing of explicit images but also exclusion through creation of groups. There have also been incidences of grooming through apps you wouldn&#8217;t expect like Spotify and gaming like Roblox.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-but-are-smartphones-a-life-line-for-some-kids">But are smartphones a life line for some kids?</h2>



<p>In some cases, like children who are a member of a marginalised community like LGBTQ kids who might need to be on social media to find their community or if a child is subject to abuse at home, it’s positive to have access to organisations like Childline. From my reading of the research though, what children are lacking in pastoral care is face-to-face relationships with people in authority. Hiding in their rooms on groups can be part of the problem. </p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-my-child-s-a-saint-and-will-stick-by-the-boundaries-i-set-so-we-re-ok">My child&#8217;s a saint and will stick by the boundaries I set &#8211; so we&#8217;re ok</h2>



<p>Plenty of children might manage at Year 8 to have a smartphone and be OK with the parameters set by their parents, but they’re probably encountering hardcore pornography at a lower age than parents would want even without going looking for it. The risk is too high.&nbsp;</p>



<p>I’ve heard about families where phones are not being used around the table or in a child’s room at night but then that’s the only time it’s enforced. It’s wishful thinking that you can get the nine or 10 year old to be sufficiently wise that when bad stuff happens online they will know what to do.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-what-about-downloading-the-safeguarding-apps-or-using-age-restrictions-like-the-ones-just-introduced-in-australia-or-the-facebook-teens-profile-just-announced-are-they-effective">What about downloading the safeguarding apps or using age restrictions like the ones just introduced in Australia or the Facebook teens profile just announced &#8211; are they effective?</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195022.297.jpg" alt="girl or woman with smart phone with painted nails " class="wp-image-100252" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195022.297.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195022.297-600x600.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195022.297-300x300.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195022.297-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>From what I’ve seen they just don’t work. There’s one that limits you to an hour’s use but you can change the time on your phone and that resets the timer. Some don’t work on private browsing or VPNs. Some won’t recognise that an app has been uninstalled and reinstalled again. These apps often just put more stress on the parent-child relationship. The smartphone has become a grenade in a lot of families lives. It’s better not to have the smartphone at all.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-how-do-i-know-when-they-are-ready-to-have-a-phone">How do I know when they are ready to have a phone?</h2>



<p>There have been a few attempts to decide whether the child is &#8216;Gillick competent&#8217; or whether they meet the &#8216;Fraser guidelines&#8217; but we are still in such a new landscape that, to me, the precautionary principle should apply. These terms come from a legal case in the 1980s that try to decide whether a child is mature enough to make decisions about contraception and sexual health, but the principles are the same. You need to consider a number of factors &#8211;  their age, maturity and mental capacity; their understanding of the advantages, disadvantages and potential long-term impact; their understanding of the risks, implications and consequences that may arise from their decision; how well they understand any advice or information they have been given; and their understanding of any alternative options, if available.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-there-is-an-argument-that-it-is-better-to-start-young-so-kids-are-more-tech-savvy-and-you-re-not-trying-to-impose-rules-on-a-sulky-teen">There is an argument that it is better to start young so kids are more tech savvy and you’re not trying to impose rules on a sulky teen?</h2>



<p>It’s a really interesting point and another school of thought. Immediate suspicion would arise because this is&nbsp;the solution Big Tech&nbsp;put forward &#8211; give kids things as young as possible so they can learn to use them. But I see people in their eighties and nineties who have learnt to use these tools. The analogy I would use would be driving &#8211; you would teach a young person about how to cross a road safely without needing to put them behind the wheel of a car.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-could-use-of-phones-by-young-kids-be-damaging-nbsp">Could use of phones by young kids be damaging?&nbsp;</h2>



<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img decoding="async" loading="lazy" width="1000" height="1000" src="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195205.684.jpg" alt="Child with a smartphone" class="wp-image-100249" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195205.684.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195205.684-600x600.jpg 600w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195205.684-300x300.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/Untitled-design-2024-11-11T195205.684-500x500.jpg 500w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" /></figure>



<p>Jonathan Haidt is a big figure in the research around child development and smartphones and author of <em>The Anxious Generation</em>. He argues that it can be hard for adults to understand what it’s like to be on social media and not have a fully mature prefrontal cortex (the brain area just behind the forehead, which controls attention span, anticipation of the results of our actions, control over our impulses). Kids and teens don’t have these internal control mechanisms yet — the prefrontal cortex doesn’t fully mature until the age of 25. The result is that teens who are on social media spend an average five hours a day on it.&nbsp;</p>



<p>You also need to consider all of those other things like time outside and reading &#8211; three quarters of UK children have less time outside than inmates in prison and reading generally has fallen off a cliff in last four or five years.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-is-there-a-difference-between-girls-and-boys-when-it-comes-to-addiction-problems-with-phones">Is there a difference between girls and boys when it comes to addiction/problems with phones?</h2>



<p>It definitely branches off with how they use them though it’s too simplistic to say boys game and watch porn and girls are on insta/snapchat but it is in that direction. What it comes down to a lot and where the research fails is that we can’t dispute how many hours kids use this for. Common sense says time spent on smartphones is time not spent on other things.&nbsp;</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-are-we-seeing-more-kids-without-phones-because-of-the-smartphone-free-movement">Are we seeing more kids without phones because of the smartphone free movement?</h2>



<p>I would say the dialogue in&nbsp;recent&nbsp;years has raised the salience but not led to action. SFC, on the other hand, are&nbsp;trying to give parents a way to&nbsp;act&nbsp;and our website has lots of resources to help, like templates for letters to schools and your local MP as well as how to introduce this on class what’s apps and talking points with other parents.&nbsp;75,000+&nbsp;parents have signed our pact to delay buying a smartphone in 9,000 schools &#8211; that’s a third of UK schools. This is a parent-led grass roots movement.</p>



<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="h-do-you-have-kids-and-what-rules-do-you-set-for-them">Do you have kids and what rules do you set for them?</h2>



<p>I have a 5 and 3 year old and so it’s a long way to go but I will try and hold back until 16. I so want to see the landscape improved by the time they come to the end of Primary – the age now that the overwhelming majority of children get their first phone.</p>



<p><em>Do you agree with Will? We&#8217;d love to hear your comments. </em><a href="https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"><em>Smartphone Free Childhood</em></a></p>


When should I buy my child a smartphone?

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