The you-can-have-it-all, Watchet, Somerset

Ten bedrooms. Over 300 acres. A Grade II Listed, late 16th century house that has plenty of natural light. Exmoor national park. Direct train to London. Three miles to the coast. Er — did we miss anything? Oh, how about a heated swimming pool! This property is playing no games, and although the words ‘price on application’ evoke a bit of bank account hyperventilation, it’s a fair cop when you get to refer to the “west wing” of your house, own two ponds, a kitchen garden, a working farm (complete with piggery — cutest word ever?) and a horse paddock. Phwoar.

The charming not farming, Claverdon, Warwickshire

Although this beautifully renovated, elegant seven-bed comes with just under 10 acres you won’t actually have to, you know, do any farming. However, you will own an agricultural field with a grazing agreement in place so expect a soundtrack of bah-ing and moo-ing whilst you enjoy the meticulous walled gardens, pond, and tennis court. Priced at £3.5m.

The stately home, Woodcote, Oxfordshire

Fancy living in a five-bed manor house complete with gilded portraits, mounted stag heads, and a butler’s pantry? Just the thing for managing your 270 acres of woodland, arable land, and orchards. If you’ve got a spare £6.5 mil knocking around, then this is the place for you.

The genuinely feasible, Stoke Holy Cross, Norfolk

This five-bed period farmhouse, two mins from Norwich, comes with 11 acres of grazing land and orchard as well as outbuildings to do up, and only costs £725,000. Have we been staring at seven-digit numbers for too long, or does that seem outrageously reasonable?

The start-from-scratch, Upavon, Wiltshire

Fancy living your own Grand Designs dream? £325,000 will fetch you these 29 acres of rolling, elevated pasture with stop-and-stare views. We’re thinking a wacky, spherical eco-house complete with self-sufficient farm. No? Alright then, what would you build?

The pony club paradise, Uckfield, East Sussex

The pretty 8.5 acres that come with this spacious six-bed property include paddocks, two stable boxes, a tack room, and a barn. (Hear that? It’s the horse-mad little girls of the world, ready to plead their case.) By no means a one-trick pony, the house also enjoys plenty of period features, beautifully maintained gardens, and a tennis court. Yours for £2.2m.

The walker’s utopia, Braintree, Essex

This pretty, four-bed period farmhouse is surrounded by miles of footpaths and bridleways that meander through the countryside — so you won’t go mad on the same old dog walk. For £995,000 you also get a Grade II Listing, natural light, and of course the all-important farming dream, thanks to 1.5 acres with ponds, orchard, and kitchen garden.

OR… A FARM IN THE SUN?

The tantalising Tuscan, Italy

Oh, just think of the life you would lead here. A modernised 18th century stone farmhouse set in bellissimo Tuscan countryside toting a small vineyard, olive grove, and fruit orchard — 36.5 acres in total. There’s a swimming pool, obvs, from which you can admire the sunset whilst dipping focaccia in your homemade olive oil. Live this dream for €1.4 mil (so, just under £1.2 mil).

The hilltop wonder, Southwestern France

This dreamy French farmhouse feels totally secluded in its 10 acres of garden and pasture, enjoying knockout countryside views. And yet — quelle surprise! — the local boulangerie is actually within walking distance, based in the adjacent 13th century hilltop village. Couple this with all the graft you’ll be putting in on the land and it’d be, frankly, rude not to have daily croissants for breakfast. It costs €899,000 (roughly £760,000) and yes, there’s a pool.

The fancy finca, Southern Spain

This stone stunner comes with a modest 2.5 acres of land, but with 13 different types of fruit tree (17 if you count the four types of orange!), as well as an olive grove producing 80 litres of oil a year, it makes it count. The property also boasts five bedrooms, a sunny courtyard and summer kitchen, and automatic irrigation in the garden. Best €1.4 mil (£1.2 mil) you’ll ever spend?